3/24/2009 10:08:00 PM
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Was wondering if i shld post some of the events tt happened todae tt contributed to my super bad dae. Was worried that some thgs i said might hurt other ppl or affect others who read my blog. But tis's my blog, suppose to be a place where i can release my emotions. Well, i try to keep everythg as confidential as possible.
My dae was initialli strted fine. But it was onli less than an hour frm strt of work that my dae was tarnished. Overheard my senior talking to one of my fren abt a seminar tt's coming up and they need an OT to give talk during the seminar. The doctor in charge suggested my fren. Well, i must admit i kinda felt hurt. Number 1, she's already out of the rotation. Number 2, i am doing geri longer than her. I agree that she is a veri good therapist, sometimes i do think that she's much better than me. But being bypassed like this makes me juz wonder if i've done anythg wrong or not so good or at least i have not done well enuff to be recommended to give the talk. Though my fren tried to comfort me by saying that i may not be around since it's happening at end of year, but i dun tink that is the reason y they did not suggest me. Thing is the wae the thg is being said does not even sound lk i was taken into consideration. Disappointed in myself more than anythg else actualli. Sigh.
Den to make thgs worse, gg into the ward where my most irritating patient lie, someone told me dunnoe who wants me to see him 3 times a dae. Siao. He does not even need me to c him daily. And he's so FON tt i could not even refuse to see him. How i wish he'd be discharge soon. I pray that God will send him home asap. Oh God, haf mercy on me. He's driving me up the wall!!!
Things does not end juz lidat. During MDM i feel equalli sucky. Dr kept asking me abt things abt cognitive retraining but can dementia patient's cognition ever be retrainable. God. Mayb i'm overly sensitive cos of the morning thg. Juz felt so sucky after the entire MDM.
Den went into my ward to review patient and my PT happily juz refuse to ambulate a patient simply cos he's on external fixator and he looks lk he has tremendous potential to work. When i discuss the case wif him, i juz conclude, he's trying to shun extra work which irritates the hell out of me.
Sigh. Work is juz work y m i putting so much emotions into my work. At the end of dae, work is juz smthg we do so that we can bring money back home is that not? Y m i feeling so affected by everythg at work. Feeling so PMS now. Sigh. God, reassure me, let me noe that everythg is still in ur hands and that i can praise u in every single situation, trusting in ur faithfulness that u haf a plan for me and everythg happens for a good reason.
3/16/2009 12:20:00 AM
Monday, March 16, 2009
Hmmm, actualli haf nthg much to blog but i'm tryin to wait patiently for my drama to load!!! So so long!!! IT's so a tiring process to convert the video version from rmvb to avi to a mp4 readable version. Fan si le. Arghx. I've become a drama addict for the past few weeks, been watching drama every single time i'm free. hahax. Not too bad a leisure cos it keeps me occupied.
I've been wondering these few daes y do i feel so tired nomatter how much i slp. Feeling so tired todae. Went to serve at dialect church and the elderly had a time of fellowship. I tink my elderlies r veri anti social, they juz sit there and keep quiet. Oh my. I think those who're frenz r already frenz, those who r not are not likely gg to be cos they simply dun lk each other. Elderly haf their own tinking and it's so difficult to tell them tt we muz try to love ppl who're not lovable. And i muz admit i haf no gift of discipling anyone lahx so totalli dunnoe how to tell dem so everytime they complain to me i juz oh okie. Yet again, afterall they're my elders mahx. Cannot tell them wat is rite and wrong rite. My elderlies despite being so adorable but they're juz so non-enthusiastic. Wonder wat i can do to help.
Also had a great time fellowhshiping wif Hazel and having 2nd round of dinner. Crap. Think i'm growing fat again. Shld realli try to refrain from eating too much. Gonna scare awae all guys and die fat. hahax. Okie lame finish le. And my drama is gonna finish loading soon le. Shall go slp soon aso le. Time for slping queen to fellowship wif her bf Mr Zhou. lol.
3/07/2009 08:49:00 AM
Saturday, March 07, 2009
I think i realli m someone who worries alot. Worries about wheather i am doing the right thing at work, worried about whether people thinks i'm doing well at work, worried about whether my peers like me or dislike me, worried about whether my future as a therapist is going to look gloomy or whether i can find a new job elsewhere, whether i can find THE special person in my life and the list goes on.... Wahx, wat a worrier i m. I realli wanna quit being a worrier this year. Wanna learn to leave everythg into God's hand. Wanna be a person who lives by faith, trusting that wat i desire in my heart shall be God's desire and my desire shld come to pass. I wanna be more carefree in my life!!!
This is my new year resolution and hopefulli i won't haf to bring this yr new year resolution to nxt yr. lol. This yr is a yr that i wanna grow and mature frm a young kid into an adult. Not lk i feel that i'm veri childish but i wan to become more mature. More mature in handling my emotions, more mature when i look at things at work, more mature during decision making in life. I can't possibly be a kid forever and lk when i'm 30 yo, still a childish 30 yo, den become 40 am still a childish 40 yo and when i turn 80 still childish. God.
Well, hopefulli by the end of this year, or when i come back frm HK, frenz ard me will find that i am a changed person, for the better of cos.
3/03/2009 08:58:00 PM
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Recently got to noe someone. Was talking to him and suddenly i realli felt so thankful to God. I do not know what exactly happened to him in his past relationship 2 years ago but every single thg that he said to me sounded so emotional. He was hurt and the hurt did not heal, he was so so bitter, not being able to love again freely cos he bear so much resentment. He builds a tall wall between himself and other gers, juz to protect his heart. Nothing wrong to protect ownself frm hurts but overdoing it is a disaster. I could totalli c that his next relationship is heading into failure if he does not pull himself out of it.
Hearing him somehow reminded me of myself. The me after breaking off wif Ryan. The me who do not dare to love again, telling myself that abstinece and the best prevention. The me who feels that noone will be able to accept me and love me. The me who at one point became so bitter that i could not truly congratulate ppl from the bottom of my heart when they find their true love. I became someone who self victimised. Looking back, how would anyone love a ger lk me then.
But now i juz want to thank God. I thank God for everythg tt the church teaches, every word that my frenz shared and every book that i haf read. Somehow, i dun noe when and how, i realised how disastrous my life was. I thank God that i made a decision to change. I thank God that he gave me a new perspective of looking at things. I thank God that he heals the hurt, remove the fear, gif me new hopes and made me a more positive and optimistic person. So i realli wan to thank God for being a moulder of my character, that thru each failure, i haf became stronger.
Till today, i still believe that nothing happens out of coincidence, everythg that happen ard us happen cos of God's plan and if we open our eyes to see and open our hearts to receive, we'll realised how much we can learn each dae. Thank God for being THE GOD, Creator of heaven and earth. Thank God for his love, nuturing character and patience. Thank you my Lord.