2/24/2009 11:26:00 PM
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Finalli i completed my application for my Masters in Occupational Therapy in HK Polytechnic University. It's realli a mix feeling. On one hand i realli feel that it is God's timing to go for the masters programme (or m i hallucinating) and i'm all excited abt the fact that i can finalli achieve an important goal in my life and i can spend a year abroad to learn and mould myself abit more. On the other hand, i fear, fearing of the uncertainties i'd face there. All alone overseas with no frenz and family, unfamiliar with the culture and unable to speak the language. Not having people who loves accepts me to tell me that everythg is alrite.
Hmmm, tink i'm overall still a negative person as much as i pump in positive self tots to boost myself up. When thgs dun go the wae i wan it to go, i wonder if the problem lies in me. I guess smtimes it does but smtimes it does not. But y does shit alwaz happens and there're so much thgs for me to fear and worrie. I realli wan to be more confident in myself and stop worrying, juz do everythg to my best.
Even though i kinda finalli was able to convince myself tt i'm not too bad a therapist, sometimes i wonder if i realli m as wat people said, a therapist with good groundings and that i shld not doubt myself. My work performance smtimes make me wonder otherwise. God!!!
Okie, i shall try to be more positive once again. Instead of lamenting, i shall once again work harder to improve myself lk any other time so that once again, i can sae that i haf done well. Hopefulli all my nonsense thoughts will come to an end soon. =)
2/09/2009 11:16:00 PM
Monday, February 09, 2009
God saes we muz b rooted in a church and spend time fellowshiping with one another. Even though tis yr juz strted, but i've learnt a little more abt myself and God's word. Been growing more and more.
Tis few daes, i seem to b understandin abit more on importance of fellowship. Fellowship allows you to:
1. Meet your socialisation and some aspect of emotional needs
2. Provide you with spiritual advise when needed
3. To correct your weakness in gentle and loving manner
4. Let God lead you back to the narrow way whenever you drifted away
5. Provide encouragement when u feel lost
6. Know u're not alone
7.Support dreams and visions God gave you
I tink there're more to these for importance of fellowship, so i realli thank God for placing me in a wonderful spiritual family, though i alwaz joke tt i wanna change CG, but i haf sm real frenz ard in tis CG whom i love too much to part. =)
2/08/2009 10:50:00 AM
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Sigh, relationship is so so confusing. Now he's not the onli one who's confused. I'm equalli confused 2. I haf decided that my bf need to be a christian, so technicalli he's out of the game but i juz kinda lk him a little a little and everytime i talk to him online, he'd stir the emotions a little a little. But i juz tink that his confusion is probably caused by us progressing too fast and it might be better for me to disappear for a month or so to somewhere else. I juz kinda fear that if i decide to wait at the end of dae, it's juz another disappointment lk last relationship. Plus, i dun tink he'd ever meet the spiritual criteria of mine.
At this time, there come another guy frm church. I dun even haf the mood to tink of this question. But it's making everythg so luan and irritating. Though he did not directly ask me, but i noe he lks me. All i can sae is wrong timing ba. Plus i dun tink he can provide me wif the financial security i need.
God, y can't u juz stop playing ard wif me. Stop making relationship so confusing. I juz need 1 ideal 1 and no need so many. Sigh. Colecting seashells and choosing the best, but if u haf too many seashells, it causes alot of problems 2.
2/07/2009 12:46:00 PM
Saturday, February 07, 2009
I hate it when everytime i decide to gif up, he'd come to me and flirt with me. It makes me waiver again. But it realli hurts big time when u feel that the person u lk is not willing to make a commitment and all he wants is to flirt with you and lust for u. I'm not easy catch, neither m i lose and cheap. So can't he juz stop everythg tt he's doing and gimme a break. Arghx. Realli do not understand man at all.
Is it juz that all man r so selfish, or is it simply cos he's not a Godly man. I realli wan someone who don't lust after me but juz love me as who i am. Looks will fade awae some dae. I'd grow old some dae. I need security to noe that even if i become ugly one dae, i'd still be loved simply for the Serene she is.
My fren yesterdae came to tell me that guys dun treasure easy catch. Though there's no under meaning, but it hurt big time, suddenly felt lk i was viewed as cheap, lose, throwing myself onto him. But it's juz all not true, i'm juz being real to my own feelings. Crap. Shitty man. Dun understand them at all. Dunnoe how i shld be reacting cos man r juz wierd.
2/02/2009 09:05:00 PM
Monday, February 02, 2009
I've lived 24 years of my life, some values are already deep within my heart while others are new values i adopted as i grow up but i'm still struggling to come to terms with these values and haf it fit in my life.
My latest wrong relationship has been so quiet that hardly anyone had known it. However, it sets my mind thinking realli hard. If God had meant for this wrong relationship to happen it muz be happening to set me thinking abt things that i refuse to tink or haf chucked aside for so so long~
What kinda qualities do i want in my bf? This is a question i did not realli think abt. My relationship most of time happens cos, well, i juz haf a crush on this someone, i dun even noe y. And this someone happen to like me, i so happen to also need someone during that time and there u go we got 2gether. But can love realli overcome every single thing in life? Can love realli overcome every single differences 10 years down the road? I seriously tink it's time i sit dwn to think abt these question so that my next relationship will no longer be a "goodbye" in few months time type. Though half the time i'm ditched. Mayb is retribution. Lol.
Second question, is it a must for my bf to be a christian? I half gave up trying to believe tt if i get 2gether wif sm1 he will be converted. Wat if he never? Den wat m i suppose to do? We might juz get irritated with one another cos i wan him saved and he refuse to be saved. Faint. So if i decide that if it is imp that my bf must be a christian den i better onli date a christian. If my answer is no den i shall not even bother to convert my bf. Accept him as who he is.
Third question i'm struggling with, is God realli real? If God is not real who m i sacrificing and limting myself for? Scary question that i dunnoe how to handle and confront. But i noe these questions need to be answered b4 i get into nxt relationship and they're all interconnected, cos 1 kinda leads to the other. Well, well, shall seek God's wise consel come dae to talk abt it. Lalala.