1/31/2009 11:25:00 AM
Saturday, January 31, 2009
When God says "no", i insit on going forward. Then i kinda regretted cos i do not q wan to walk out of God's will for me. I wan the best in both worlds. But in life, there's alwaz a choice to make.
Was at the crossroad, but i still m unwilling to make the decision. But God was still good, he knew everythg and planned everythg. At the crossroad, the decision was made without saying that i wanna let go. I was made to let go.
Yet again, time is short and memories are few. Pain felt was definitely much lesser. This relationship as wrong as it is, had its good points too. I realised that dating non-christian will never work unless i haf every intention to walk out of God. I also had new memories to replace my feelings for the old ones and since this memories r almost inexistent, i believe i could easily refocus my life back on God.
Even though shit happens cos i did not obey, but i can still thank God for alwaz walking behind me and reorientate my life back to his will for me. I thank God that nomatter what happens, i can still trust his character 2dae, 2ml and forever. I thank God that my life is in his hands and he has a plan for me, one that is for good and not for evil, one that has a future and hope. Just wanna thank God for being so loving and nuturing, for loving me as who i am forever~
It's juz a short dream. Thank God, i woke up.
1/26/2009 12:57:00 AM
Monday, January 26, 2009
Was reading Mavis's blog and came across an entry abt her past relationship. I was so moved and touched. Was thinking abt my own scarred past. Wonder wat would happened if i met him. But i tink God has been good to me. The dae I decided to end the relationship, i told God i do not wan to bear hatred and amazingly i dun tink i realli hated him though my heart realli aches everytime he msged or i talk to him. And i admit, i do haf some "yuan wang" de gan jue. I think i juz haf not courage to face him. I hope that in this entire lifetime, i do not need to meet him ever again. Or will God wan me to face my fears sm dae.
Everytime i look at Mavis, i somehow manage to find some hope in the bleakness of my own relationship in life. Though i tink her walk wif God is definitely better than mine, but i realli wanna walk through my life lk her. Though she's younger than me, but my admiration for her is frm bottom of my heart one lo. She has everythg tt i tink i do not haf. Hahax. Well, hope one dae, i'd look back at the past me and be able to sae, "indeed God has changed me."