11/27/2008 10:09:00 PM
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sometimes i realli feel so tired to live up to people's expectation. I noe i'm not perfect and being "I" lives at the state where people either like or hate u. I'm veri expressive when it comes to emotions. Yes, i may sometimes be super tactless, sound proud, idiotic or even irritating, but seriously, that's the me i m. Crazy most of time. But y is it that nomatter wat face i gif i aso get criticised.
Is being S better, everythg tt happen u juz smile and ignore. Y the hell did God make ppl who're so terribly criticised by the world. I hate it when people criticise the real me. Do i alwaz haf to put on a false front? Everyone can be themselves but i cannot. Smile aso kanna sae, play as ' kanna sae, gif black face and be serious aso kanna sae. And stop telling me" I noe u r lidat but... Dun act as if u noe me when u dun. Do u noe wat thgs go thru my mind. I dun even tink u're anywhere near my fren category. We're juz acquintance. Get lost!
Totalli dun feel lk playing basketball tis yr. Play till so unhappie since dunnoe when. y the hell do i wanna play the sport. Mayb i juz do not haf talent in it. Or mayb the team or the game does not suit me. Gimme a break. Let me juz be who i m for once without having to tink of other ppl's feeling.
I tink of other people's feeling who tink of mine? Aren't i alwaz hurt by ppl's words and when r these people tactful in the 1st place. Stop always sayin, "Serene, you shld not.... (A-Z).
If u hate me juz get awae frm me. Dun even need EQ. Juz ignore me and dun be my fren. It's not like i realli trust fren anyway. Juz dun wanna end up in a state where i tink tt being withdrawn is the best solution. Shld i juz ignore everythg, gif a str face everythg ppl sae. I realli wish i can, but do u noe how diff is it for me.
SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATE EVERYTHG NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIMME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sigh...
11/08/2008 01:11:00 PM
Saturday, November 08, 2008
I'm been feeling quite upset yesterdae. Mainly i think due to lame reason and my own reactions and stupid emotions after that resulting in severe sense of rejection. I think recently, i'm starting to lose a little of self identity as i struggle to know myself more and find out my weaknesses and try to change them. I start to wonder which part of my self identity is something that i should and can change without losing my sense of self and which part of my self identity should i accept. So now is a time for short reflection.
Now let's take a look at my strengths:
- As a friend: Caring, loving, willing to make sacrifice, listens
- As a therapist: Love my patients, listen and help the juniors, relatively sound clinical reasoning, able to build relatively good rapport
- As a Christian: Love God, reflective and want to change for better, willing to sacrifice financially, willing to extend my service when needed
Weakness:
- As a friend: Emotionally dependent on friends, gets overly worked up when friend criticises me
- As a therapist: Whines too much about work, complains but don't think of solutions, negative mindset about workplace, overly prideful yet low self confidence
- As a Christian: Poor self discipline
Okie. That about it for now. Wonder if anyone has anythg to add. Lol. Well, let me see, where should i start changing a little, think i can whine but mayb not whine to everybody. Since whining is my coping skills i cannot remove it totally. Then erm, i need to focus a little bit more on my strengths and accept my weakness a little bit more so that i can be a little more confident about myself. Lalala. Okie let me just work on these 2 points 1st ba. :)