I'm alwaz doing silly and stupid things even though i should not... Sometimes i juz do it to reassure myself that he still loves me... But at the end of everything, caused everyone to be hurt... I m hurt, he is hurt, and most of all i hurt the one who love me most, my heavenly father...

Sometimes i would wonder how abundant God's grace is... Could he tolerate someone like me??? Would he still shower his love and blessing on someone like me??? Someone who takes his grace for granted... Succumb to temptation of the flesh even though i noe is wrong and has the ability to stop it... Even haf time to apologise before making him upset... Haf he forsaken me??? Sometimes i would wonder... But i noe he's alwaz standing there, waiting for me to go back home...

I seriously tot after baptism i'd be veri different... But in the end, i'm still weak, still unable to stand up in face of temptation... But like wat pastor kong has said, strength is not = no failure, but strength = ability to bounce back after failure... This time, i realli wanna haf strength to bounce back and nv look back...

*Wonder how long tis determination can last...