3/22/2006 06:29:00 AM
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I seriously think that exams are stepping stones for me to feel a sense of incompetency... Do i really haf warped expectations of myself??? I realli wonder... Y is it that after every single exam i must wonder if i'm really having a sound clinical reasoning to be a clinician... Everyone feels i m good therapist but i seriously dun see myself anywhere near the demarkation... If i hate to be compared to the bad therpist, i bet the good therapist would be insulted to be compared to me as well...
Well well, i'm seriously keeping my finger cross and hoping against all odds that i won't fail my semester... I realli felt so shitty yesterdae... I had work rehabilitation yesterdae and i can tell u it was a total screwed up...Upon some reflection, i realise i'm realli a slow thinker...I hate exams cos there is'nt plenty of time for me to think, digest before i make a decision... I din noe how to do question 1 which cost me 3o marks even though i wrote some craps which i totalli does not noe if it's realli the wae i interpreted it.... Den the stupid me onli noe how to do the 2nd question but not as if i'll score full 40 marks for it... Den the third question... It is seriously not so tough... But i din haf time to complete 3b which cos me ard 20 marks... Den 3a was screwed up by me... By me horrible clinical reasoning... Though i alwaz sae tt it's alwaz cos of all these mistakes tt i forever remember these facts but i realli think there is not a need for me to pay such a high price... As i was reflecting about it, i realised wat i did yesterdae was purely to write results with minimal interpretation... I wonder if my interpretation was even rite... And wrst of all, i made a conclusion without investigating the temperaments... Ah!!! Made a wrong recommendation... Wat the hell... Kill me pls~~~
Haix.... And to make things worse, i was trying to figure out wat diagnosis the reduce energy patient had and i nearly vomitted blood and die cos i realli dunnoe... End up having to juz search for mateirals based on my gut feel... Ahhh~~~ So i dunnoe if i'll die later... I'm juz keeping my finger veri crossed... Cos i tink i screwed up my paper 1... Don't wan to screw up my third jump again... Haix...
Feeling an overall sense of incompetency as usual....
3/17/2006 03:30:00 PM
Friday, March 17, 2006
Oh... The placement for 3C is out... The intelligent me who chose to ren ming to watever is given to me feel lk fainiting upon hearing where i would be going for my placement... Well well, here i come NUH hands... Although Hwee Lan is trying to request for me to observe the psychiatric wards too, but i really feel lk fainitng... Arghx... Firstly, i'm bad in hands... Realli forgot every single bit about hands already since it's lk year 2's work... The anatomy is already chucked at the innest side of my brain and is unretrievable... And dun mention the most hated activity of all... Splinting... You realli cannot imagine how much i hated splinting... Lk i alwaz sae, hands is about the gfit to work there... It's so specialised... If u're not good at it, then that's really too bad... Though i should not allow self-fulfilling prophecy to work on myself, but i realli tink i'm bad at it... I would be going wif Noel anyway... How i wish my partner would be someone i feel more comfortable wif... At least it'd be easier to approach the person to tell him that i wanna practice splinting and ask if he/she got the time to spare me so that i can practice on the person and most importantly, if i wanna slack but look proactive, splinting is the best activitiy to do.... Hahax... I got a feeling tt we'd be sharing a supervisor... I realli hate that... Cos sharing a supervisor would mean decrease in attention from the supervisor and supervisor love comparing students don't they... Y do they wan to compare??? Aren't OT suppose to understand tt each human is unique??? Since we're unique we're sure to be good in different areas and i dun even think i'm good... Well well... Xian... Despite everythg bad, i still could think of sm good thgs abt being in hands... At least i would be familiar with the modalities and i won't be horribly blur when i gotta go for hands rotation in CGH... Life is a load of rubbish... juz lk wat i did to my reduced energy paper... It was a load of crap... all i could sae was i was stunned looking at the paper even though i managed to crap my way out... Feel lk killing myself... Hahax... Hopefully i can at least do not bad for this paper... Haix... I realised the most screwed up question was the last one cos i've got no mroe time to reflect on wat i dunnoe and wat i wanna learn... Arghx... How to reflect when i onli had 9 min left for tt question... Haix... So... All i could sae is keep my fingers cross and pray... Well well...
3/03/2006 12:33:00 AM
Friday, March 03, 2006
At many parts of our lives, role transition would take place... For instance, we transit from play role to student role when we enter kindergarten... And i remembered the 1st thing i learnt to do at kindergarten was to cry for my mama... Den from kindergarten where your student role is not so strong, you transit to primary school and then to secondary school when you spend half your day in school... I remembered i was cursing and swearing about how i would miss all the morning cartoons when i was in morning session and complaining how i would miss the 3pm show when i was in afternoon session... Den the day comes when i would miss both morning and afternoon programme cos i spend almost my whole morning and afternoon in school juz like working adults during my JC and poly years... But the onli lucky thg which i could think of is tt there's still many breaks in between and we have short days and holidays to look forward to...As demonstrated above, transition in role often involve giving up many of your usual habits... And i must admit, i'm never a adaptable person during role transition... Many of the role transition to me is a traumatic experience.... Here in a few months time, i would be taking another major turn in my life when i transit from student to worker role... No more supervision... More autonomy and responsibility and comes together with more stresses... Joining CGH would definitely be the last thing i have in mind... I dun exactly lk the politics experienced in the centre... But definitely i haf no choice but to blend into it... Well well, initialli i still tot at least i got a nice inpatient head... But everythg turn out otherwise... Cos the nice inpatient head has tendered her resignation... It was realli a mix feeling when i received the news... On one hand i was realli happy for her as she found better job prospect... But on the other hand i was veri sad cos i realli dun noe what the new inpatient head would be like... Well well... Let's juz all hope for the best....