12/26/2005 11:50:00 PM
Monday, December 26, 2005
I din noe tt it'll be Jan 2006 next week... I happily tot that there's another week to go... Haix... Den 2dae i was looking at the calender at my cousin's house... To my astonishment, i realised that this's the last week of 2005... Despite all the festive season, i'm realli not in festive mood at all... Realli dread and hate the arrival of year 2006... There're a couple of reason for me to hate it... Let me list them down 1 by 1...Reason number 1... Starting of 2006 means the commencement of the suckiest time-table... U cannot imagine how i hated my new time-table... It has never been so bad before... I felt as if i'm studying to the fullest everydae... My lesson either strt at 9 or 10 and end at either 5 or 6... Oh my... And there isn't many breaks between each lesson... Meaning i guess i gotta slog to death for the following months in sch... Yucks... The lazy me hopes tt sch will nv strt...Starting of a new semester would aso mark the end of my sch life veri soon and the strt of my working life... Haix... How many ppl actualli would celebrate this dae cos all the studying is finalli over... I'm juz warped, as i've alwaz been, i realli dun look forward to it at all... The though of having to leave my group of interesting fren and having to blend into the working world is totalli sucky... I need to SOCIALISE... At least learn to be more sociable when i totalli dun feel lk... Arghx... Den need to tk competency and written test which i'm so worried i'll fail... And i'll be audited again and again... Given feedback or scolded for things which i haf not done well... And as a result felt horribly upset abt it for the next few daes... Haix... I juz hate work okie... I dun wan the responsibilities and the feeling of not under shelter again... Yes... I'm a wen shi li de xiao hua... But i juz hope to remain lidat... 2bad lahx... I noe i can't...Oh another reason y i hate 2006 is cos it means chinese new year would be around the corner... You may wonder y i feel so sucky that CNY is around the corner... My usual reaction would be, "Yeah! Got nice food during reunion... Got ang bao to tk... And can haf excuse to buy new clothes..." Hmmm... But this year, i'm not in the mood to buy new clothes... Cos i noe i muz consider abt my work so i need to buy onli clothes tt're appropriate for work, which's totalli out of my style... So sucky... Hate pants... Reunion dinner has not been fantastic since dunnoe when... So how much can i look forward to... Tink chinese customs smtimes is so wierd... Ppl juz sit ard a table once a year to eat... Wat for... And though the money is attractive still... But how much do i get each yr... I dun feel lk gathering wif my family... I tink i'm strting to dread my family... I realli tink my entire family, immediate or extended are all horribly irritating... Haix... Hmmm... I realli tink i'm a horrible chinese who'll nv appreciate chinese tradition... Actualli i once m veri interested in chinese tradition but as i grow older i realise tt chinese tradition is horribly bias... For example, according to chinese culture, it's horribly important to respect the elderly, they're suppose to be wise cos of the amt of experiece they haf and blah blah blah... But the elderly, as in our zhang bei, make me feel that they pretend to be wise... How wise are they??? Respect shld be earned and not given isn't it.... Wat the adults do nowadaes is to order their children, grandchildren or whoever ard lahx... They expect u to follow dem lk a dog... Cannot voice ur own opinion... And how many times are they fully rite?? ?Mayb they're in their olden context but this's already the 21st century... I dunnoe how thgs are lk in the past... Mayb the same or mayb worst but as far as i'm concern i juz hate when ppl uses their seniority to threaten me... It would be to no avail... The more they do it the more rebellious i m... But no adult understand... My family is the typical kind, though not veri traditional but at least the adult will forever tink they're rite... But most of the time it's their thinking onli... Actualli until todae, i still believe that everythg in this world is gray... Nomatter how black it may seem or how white it may seem, there's alwaz a gray area tt ppl neglect... If u can get hold of this gray area u can make the white turn black and blacl turn white... Tt's the best thgs lawyers can do... Tk for example again the issue i raised up afew daes ago abt me sayng tt my cousin study till crazy... YT told em tt my uncle went to complain my grandma tt he hear le den veri heartache... And all the adults assuming tt they noe everythg, assuming tt they noe me perfectly well, decide to comment tt i shld b sclded... Saying how can i be so tactless and i would offend ppl when i work and end up being backstab and blah blah blah... It sounded lk i'm at fault isn't it but as i've alwaz been q good in picking up gray area let me analyse for u... Let me gif u some background info abt this cousin of mine... I was nv close to her... Felt even more disgusted when she became anorexic after been overly stress up... Was diagnose wif depression plus anorexia or smthg of tt sort lahx... Oh i noe u all will sae tt i'm evil... Cos since i'm an OT i shldn't be prejudice against ppl wif mental illness and blah blah blah... But it's the wae my family behave tt turned me off and ended up i realli hate my cousin... She's lk the centre topic and everybody forces you to be concern abt her and blah blah blah... And the worse thg is she hai my mother get sclded... Stupid ger... She realli acted lk she's the queen lohx... Yucks... Enuff of background... I'm sure this background will make u all think tt i'm reali at fault to make the statement... But lk i sae i'll explain my stand... When i sae tt sentence, it's out of anger tt they did not view how i feel seriously... Took it as kinda a joke to compare me wif my cousin (ppl who dunnoe the entire story please refer to earlier entry)... So as irritated as i was, this sentence came flying out of my mouth... But my "Crazy" doesn;t mean she's anorexic and blah blah blah... I'll nv label them crazy one lohx... Cos i'm educated... I dislk her not cos of her illness is cos of wat happened after her diagnosis... So tt "Crazy" actualli means my typical word, a word to describe ppl who overdo thgs... U all understand my point... But everyone smhow tot i'm referring to her illness... My beloved fren... They're the one who label her isn't it??? If it's not cos they've got the mentality that she's crazy, how would they link wat i've said to her illness... Imagine if i sae this sentence to someone who never had tt illness would they react the same wae??? NO!!! Of cos we can;t alwaz push blame to others lahx... I need to tk my part of fault for my tactlessness... But i'm sure they shld aso reflect upon themselves... But i bet u they won't... Here, i shall close my case wif the stand tt m i fully at fault??? No... Cos if there's onli stimuli (which is the sentence i said) wif no receptor to recieve interpretation from their brain, this sentence would be meaningless... So i once again urge adults out there to reflect upon urself when u tink others is at fault... Usualli it take two person to make a fault, one to provide stimuli, the other to interpret the stimuli... Sorrie non-medical student out there who don't understand... But i believe most ppl wo read my blog shld understand... Oh... A veri long entry... Actuallis till haf alot to sae abt chinese culture but tired le... May continue f i'm still in the mood tomorrow... Suddenly felt tt it's a waste tt i dun study law... Hahax... Kidding lahx... I not so lihai... Juz crapping... Oh... Mayb some of the ppl who read my blog may think tt i'm trying to find excuse for myself but i realli tink everythg is up to one's belief and values and all i can sae is mine is different from many ppl out there including my family... Hahax...
