11/25/2005 02:30:00 PM
Friday, November 25, 2005
2dae is a happie dae for me... Everythg was all good and well... This morning the results was released and the 1st thg i saw this morning was the sms of my result... Oh well, i would definintely not be happie wif this results in the past but i tink i juz got immune to all the horrible grades le... Though i dun tink these grades are horrible either... Juz tt they're not veri good results but we shld be contented given tt i spend super littlet ime studying for each subject... Hahax... 2 last minute to expect anything realli fantastic... Haha...
Oh den 2dae got half dae... I muz realli sae tt HT is veri ncie to me... She's on half dae todae and so she offered to let me go half dae aso... Hahax... Yippie... So here i m at hm slacking... I shld be doing my FYP one though.. But nvm lahx... She won't noe... Juz let me slack!!! Hahax...
Oh and later i'm gg to hang out wif Eliz and gang again... Yeah... I tink i'm deprive of gg out so whenever i can go out i'll be veri veri veri happie... Hahax... Even if it means onli sitting ard to tok crap... Dumb rite??? But tt's wat u'll be like when u feel deprive... Haha... Diaoz... Sound so crude..
11/21/2005 10:30:00 PM
Monday, November 21, 2005
Well... Guess i've nthg better to do... Was reading Dor's blog and saw this webbie abt marriage... Dor's cat is C... Mine is D... Hahax... It saes i'm not fated to get married cos i desire freedom and if anythg gets into my wae i'll be veri irritated... It also saes i dun mind getting myself a bf but juz dun lk to get married... Though i'll feel bored and lonely smtimes but i need to remember tt i need frenz by my side....Though i muz agree that it's true... But q sad wor... Hahax... Cos i tink i'm facing a period where my frenz are getting married one by one and i'm reminded tt i'm left on the shelf... Not exactly reminded lahx... But they get married so no time entertain me le... Sadx... Do feel a general feeling of boredom and loneliness... Hahax... Well... Crapping b4 i slp... Shall go slp le... Nitey~
11/21/2005 09:51:00 PM
Hmmm... Dun ask me y but i seem to have lost my zest... Dun ask me wat happen cos me myself aso dunnoe... At times, i seem to feel sad and motivationless... At other times, i seem to be okie... Laffing along wif my frenz, supervisor and other ppl ard me... I guess i juz lack a goal in life...
This week would not be a good week either... 2dae during the dae busy clearing cases, doing initial interview and documenting the cases... 2ml there'd be MDM in the morning and i would be busy doing shower assessment and helping HT review her cases... At nite, i'll need to be immersed in planning activity for my patient for HL to observe on Wed... Oh well... Xian... Wonder wat it would turn out lk... And Fri would be the release of my results... Wonder wonder wonder....
Anyway, 2dae Ht asked me again if i learnt anythg during this placement... Well... I dunnoe how to answer... Though ultimately i said yes... I did learn alrite but not intensive kind of learning... But i mean it's not HT's fault lahx... It's me cos i dunnoe how to structure my own learning environment... Oh well... It boils dwn to structuring own learning environment again... Mayb i shld strt reflecting on how i could maximise my learning... But seeing the things she does is alwaz an eye-opener cos she has all her knowledge at her fingertips... And when there's a new problem she'll amaze me by how she assess and determine the type of problem the patient has... Juz feel i'm so far awae frm tt... My knowledge is not even good... Mayb i need to work harder...
Well well well... 2nite no time to think thru wat i shld do to maximise my own learning... Let me continue rotting tomorrow... Will think of the questions i haf for her 2ml ba...
11/17/2005 07:40:00 PM
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Well... 2dae i diagnose myself with autism... Y did i do tt... Cos i tink ppl will empathise wif me more if i'm autistic... Duh... As if they will... The world is ugly alrite... It juz is... The world expects u to conform to them... And refuse to let u behave the wae u are even if its not going to do u any harm...
2dae HT once again sae i'm aloof... I've been tryin so hard to tok to the therapists and the other members in the team... But HT don't recognise it... She saes she dun c me trying... But relationships and communication is a thg tt tks time to build and come naturally isn't it??? I admit tt i do not socialise much wif the ppl... But wat's the problem wif tt??? I'm juz not the kinda person who'll socialise wif ppl i'm not too familiar wif... And i muz sae even after 1.5 month, it's still not sufficient for me to feel comfortable to tok to dem... I mean it's wierd okie... Usualli i dun tk so long... But i muz sae this's not the best situation for me to make frenz and socialise ba... Cos i felt so pressurised to...
Veri xian... I've got so much to sae... But i cannot voice... I've got so much i want to ventilate but no listening ear... I juz feel so tired of everythg... Mayb the worst choice i've made is to be bonded... Haix... Dot dot dot...
11/10/2005 08:10:00 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
It's since Fri... Wat the hell have i been doing... HT strted prompting me 101 times le... And tink 2dae i realli make her hit her limit le... Do it smmore and she'll realli hate me lohz... haix... But tink 2dae i realli dunnoe whether m i suppose to see the patient anot mahx... U noe me one lahx... Dunnoe den better ask... I dun wan to be lk zi zhuo zhu zhang though i noe she'll probably wans me to see the patient... Anyway, i realised i've been experiencing audience effect.... Remember how when there're audience ur performance would be worse??? Haix... HT recently keep asking me to see patient with the PT... But i'm realli uncomfortable wif seeing patients with her... Yes i tink she's q nice but i'm juz uncomfortable can... And i alwaz perform worse... But since fter 2dae i decided 1 thg i shall ignore... Juz do wat i tink is rite... Tinking 2 much at the end of the dae is my fault again... Haix... And then antagonise her... Though i apologise and she seems okie wif me but i noe HT would juz sae no worries one but i'm upset... Who noes how upset i feel abt myself these few daes???I dun even noe wat i typing le... Wat i typing doesn't seem to make sense to me anymore... Juz 1 sentence... I've been making stupid mistakes recently till HT is abit pissed off le... If i wanna survive i better stop my crap!!!
11/05/2005 10:13:00 PM
Saturday, November 05, 2005
I'm utterly confused... Whenever i ask u for feedback, u would tell me that u're fine with my performance... Until recently, i realised ur being fine with my performance is juz tt u won't fail me.... I felt realli disturbed when u told me on Fri to try to impress you... How do i impress you??? I'm an unimpressive student... I feel i'm not a veri good therapist... At least not in my pint of view... Ignoring wat other therapist have told me...
Reflecting on wat u sae to wat my grades for my mid wae eval would be... I dun even dare to imagine... I tink my grades would be lk 3 and 4??? Haha... But what the hack... Cos i tink my improvements have plateued... Probably gonna continue be so hopeless for the next month... Duh~ And i'm sure u'll feel supre irritated cos i'm juz hopeless... Haix... Sux... Everythg juz sux a big time...
Oh well... Though i try veri hard to convince myself not to be so pessimistic but i can't help it but to feel pessimistic abt everythg tt's happening to me rite now... Hopeless, gone case... I'm a gonner... Haha... Duh~